Monday, April 09, 2007


Eddie: What was the first cat that talked a human into putting a cat door in?

Eddie: I have no problem with homophobia. As long as they do it behind closed doors.

Eddie: Some people are widely read. I'm thinly read.

Eddie: This is a 14th century Ming... thing. Made out of Ming by Mr. Ming during the Ming Period. If you don't like Ming, don't touch this one.

Eddie: I appreciate your applause, but I don't do it for applause. I do it for cash... it's much better.

Eddie: You're gay, you sell books... you probably shag the books.

Eddie: When you're coming out, you have to deal with the whole world saying 'Oh! You're an abominable snowman'

Eddie: Remove your pajamas from your body. Tie knots in the arms and the legs and the head and the everything. And then whip them over your head very fast and then inflate them to the size and consistency of a small speed boat

Eddie: I did bronze survival swimming. I could save people in a bronzey kind of way.

Eddie: I was very driven as a boy scout. Very driven. Driven everywhere I was.

Eddie: When I walk into a shop in a dress, I can see the fear in the shopkeeper's eyes. They can't deal with it. The signal goes through to the brain, "No information on this. Suggestions: Take all the Twixes out of the drawer. Sellotape all the newspapers together."
[as shopkeeper]
Eddie: "What-what do you want?"
[as himself, innocently]
Eddie: "I want a packet of crisps."
[as shopkeeper]
Eddie: "What, you eat crisps? Do you not want to shag crisps?"


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