Not So Surprising Devolpment, or I Have Boys Coming Out of My Ears
I was walking down the hallway, on my way to homeroom. No strike that, on my way to the copier, but what transpired next was right out of an episode of Dawson's Creek or 90210. I was cornered by Cathy, who pulled me into the file room and said, "You know Jeffrey has a huge crush on you." Yes, I know, he's not that inconspicuous.It was one of those, he likes you and I've been sent as his emissary to see if you like him. Check Yes or No is playing in my head at this moment.
I politely said that I didn't date where I worked (more on this below).
What was going through my head, however, was:
Oh, hell no!
I cannot abide the "he likes you, do you like him?" blather.
One, an adult male should be able to approach a woman and ask her out. As should an adult female.
Two, I do not date at work and even if I did, it certainly wouldn't be with a ball-less coward (although he has gotten bolder, he's trying to talk to me more and he's touched my shoulder a couple of times this week)
Three, I am seeing someone who, yes, got my number from a friend, but he was bold enough to ask for it. Like I said before, I work with middlemen here.
Four, NO, NO, NO, NO.
This is a lesson to you gentlemen out there. Let your balls drop, be a man, take action. Don't just sit around and get people to do your dirty (or not so dirty) work for you. It's pathetic.
My motto for dating is "Don't fuck where you eat, don't shit where you sleep" which loosely translates to do not date where you work or live (don't fuck anyone in your dorm, apartment complex or gated community). Bad things are bound to happen and not in a good way.
posted by HelloBettyLou @ 3:52 PM
9 Comments:
Wow things change over time! But I'm still not seeing the distinction to a guy asking your number and a guy asking a girl to get your number. Here's a possible distinction. You like one guy but were against liking the other guy? Nothing wrong with favorites. Some people like soup, some like salad. However a girl that judges always gets judged in return. The true rules of dating are it's like life. There are no rules, no lines. C'mon bettylou, you know better than to make dating rules...
Ummm, I see a very clear distinction. One does not have balls, the other does. One is afraid of rejection, the other can take it and not let it phase him. Betty Lou is not making the rules, they ARE THE FUCKING RULES! Every single woman wants a confident guy who will pursue her. Even if she isn't interested in him, she will respect the fact that he made the effort (aka, had some freaking balls).
With that said, I will tell you something that is very true. The most vile venom I have ever seen has come from women, not men. Its no fucking wonder why some men are afraid to approach women...would you approach a venomous snake? I sure as hell wouldn't.......so to all you women, stop fucking being bitches or you will die alone.
To all men, don't pursue those bitches, pursue ones with a heart of gold.
And BTW, Betty, you are one of those women with a heart of gold.
Those are interesting perspectives. All I know that everyone is raised differently, and not everyone is raised with identical values. This can have a major impact on our approaches to relationships and our self confidence.
Personally, I don't try to place a label or make a judgment on another until I've walked in their shoes.
Sounds like the situation is well under control and she was just venting.
M
You go to France for a few months, come home, do some more traveling and the family of Betty has changed! That's right, Michael Songero is back (even though I forgot my damn blogspot password). Mom gets a boob job? Merlicious is having baby thoughts, and oh bettylou are you still breaking guys hearts? =)
Now let me break it down for you guys. I made a play for bettylou myself about a year ago. Granted my game was off, comes with being busy, and I got shot down. However, I guarantee you BettyLou thought, "At least this guy can make a statement!" So no, never dated bettylou, but still remain friends with bettylou (despite the fact she hasn't shown me that finished novel yet).
Guys, this isn't about balls, although I can't remember Bettylou being so free with the word balls in her blog. Dating is about style, having fun. Don't do the, "Do you like me? Will you date me?" No, no, no. Take her out, make her WANT to go out with you. The women in France like that too!
Although that's another story. Try and imagine this one: you're breakfasting on blintzes near the Eiffel Tower with this incredibly beautiful woman you've enjoyed yourself with. She touches your hand and says something in French, and keep in mind my French isn't good. You answer in poor French that you care for her as well and enjoy the time with her, but it turns out she really asked you to pass the jam. Now that's an awkward moment, but guys you have to handle them. Pass her the jam and then kiss her. A kiss never gets lost in translation.
Oops tangent! Anyway, mothership wit is pretty wrong on this one. It's always the guy that does the dumb bad shit that ends up pushing the girl away. Most of the time the girl is simply reacting to the situation with confusion and is more decisive in her actions. That's my take anyway, and I'm pretty good at this (ok, good at the two month relationship) but hey we all have our own way.
Bettylou, oh bettylou we need to have some conversations about the Louvre! But guess what? I'm busy for a change, so I haven't done the best job of tracking you down. What do you say we get a beer and catch up? Bring the new guy, bring a single friend too, and we should have some laughs!
If you don't have rules, things get broken.
I did not shoot you down, I let you down gently. I never shoot anyone down, I am not cruel.
Also, I know what it takes to ask someone out and if this person that I work with isn't mature enough to ask me out himself or doesn't have enough self confidence to take one rejection, I don't want to date him anyway. I have better things to do.
Sorry, "shoot down" is an East Coast expression meaning "it didn't work out." Good to be on the blog again!
Ok, now mom gets to put her two cents in. Everybody is neither right nor wrong. I have to come from a female perspective and how over the years the dating pool of men have treated my girls. Basically it's only human that men and women are afraid of rejection...hence the middle person. The buffer if you will. There's nothing that puts the ego in the dumpster faster then knowing you are not friends with everybody including the cute girl in the next cublicle. I see nothing wrong with doing a little recon just to get a feel for the situation. I would not go as far as to pass a note or anything. And girls, take into consideration that boys/men have very fragile egos and it takes a while to recover from being shot down.
Now the real truth is about to be said. I've said it once and I'll say it again....BOYS ARE STUPID. They do stupid things to turn girls off. They don't call when they say they will.(We are waiting by the phone) They don't make plans that we can put on a calendar (all girls like to plan some but not all things) They are career driven. This is not a bad thing till it interfers with the calling and the planning. Girls like to feel special and you do not have to spend a fortune to make her feel special. Helping with the dishes or giving a well deserved compliment will do the trick. In other words, just be courteous and nice, complimentary and prompt.
I know I will get some heat from this from some of you male readers. I might even deserve it as well. But think back to the beginning of every one of your relationships.. It's always great in the beginning and then you lose interest and things go to hell in a handbasket real fast. Keep it interesting and fun.
And Bettylou, Be sweet and stop saying the word balls. MOM
One last time: balls!
Thank you or your wiseness oh great Mother.
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