Tuesday, January 30, 2007


Tis a sad day when you realize all of your crushes have moved on or you don't like them anymore. In one week I found out that one was getting married, I'm not attracted to another and yet another had no desire to speak to me (I like options, sue me). But you know what this means I get to do? Find a whole new batch... and stop drinking alone, but we will cross that bridge when I run out of alcohol. I wonder where I should go to meet these new prospects. Book store...park...you have to go where you like, then you will meet good matches (so says grandma and Dear Abby). I'm thinking book store. Tattered Cover has a great language and discount section, not like I have money, but I can still browse, right?

Speaking of great men, my dad is the sweetest. I keep leaving my coat at my parent's place and he brought it to me at work. Awww. Best dad ever. He caught me when I was born you know. Not a lot of dads can say that, especially since I was born back in the day...the Eighties. Please follow this link to the mom's blog where she is currently extolling the virtues of the dad.

Youngest is telling our grandparents about their future great grand child this week. I am sure they will embrace it. Oh, and your good thoughts must have helped cause she is feeling much better and going to her first doc's appointment this week.

The LLS's car was totaled this week. She loaned her car to her girlfriend and their roommate crashed it.

So, I am running out of ideas here. You may have noticed the last couple of posts have been wanting, so I am establishing a contest. Whoever gives me the best topic(s) to write about gets mentioned in the blog and my eternal thanks and gratitude.


At 11:28 PM , Blogger P said...

I know you're probably looking for meaningful things to post about, but that's not what I'm about - I will speak to you about rambling, and it doesn't even have to be unhappy rambling. If you get your mind in the right state (by eating a really big meal, or taking a shot of tequila), it should be easy to construct a rambling rant of arbitrary length, constrained only by the time you have available. As you practice the technique, it should no longer be necessary to overindulge first, though it's never a mistake to do so.

The trick - and it's naught but a trick - is to grab the first thing that comes to mind (like tequila or whatever you just ate) and immediately and without thinking too long start writing about it. Write one paragraph. It doesn't have to make a point - describe how you feel about tequila, for instance, being arbitrarily passionate. When you're done that, reread your paragraph and immediately start writing about the next thing that comes to your mind. It's important that it somehow relates to tequila, but only on the most superficial level. You could, for instance, talk about Mexico - not their agriculture or tequila production, but anything at all - about how everything is bristling with hepatitis, or how Canadian tourists keep getting killed there. And depending which of those topics you followed, you could either write about corruption in Mexico or other tourist destinations, or maybe about how drug companies are trying to make it seem like Mexico is bristling with hepatitis so they can push more drugs on you. With each successive paragraph, your magical journey takes you further and further away from where you started, into the wild, untamed lands of the ramble.

You actually had a good start here (I mean that as a sincere compliment), talking about your crushes and then jumping to your dad because he's a great guy. That's good. That's the sort of thin thread of logic that you need to keep it seamless. It was a mistake to talk about youngest right away and so abruptly, though, because while in your mind there is a strong logical and emotional bond between the idea of her and the idea of your father, none of that is captured by text and it leaves us wanting. You should throw in a bit (or a paragraph) about what good daughters your dad raised, and if you manage not to veer off on a wild rant about how some people ought not to be allowed to have or raise children, then you can move on to youngest.

Once you have some practice, this will come naturally and spontaneously, and you will amaze your friends, terrify your enemies, and you'll drink not because someone on the internet told you to but because life sucks so you might as well be loaded. You will note that, in the course of giving you advice on your writing, I spewed out over 600 words in four paragraphs, insulted Mexico, accused the pharmaceutical industry of being evil and duplicitous, hinted at some issues that are best left to social workers and used the word tequila six times (including this last one) while going on about excessive alcohol consumption, and not because I'm a shill they pay to spread their message. All that and I'm not even sure if I gave you any actual advice. If all this wasn't enough, this here is a sample rant that I took a bit longer to write. It contains a staggering myriad of topics, imagery, moods and ideas, and if you squint just right, I think it almost makes sense. Almost...


Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home