Sunday, October 29, 2006

Oh, what a long life I will inevitably lead

The women in my family live for an incredibly long time. The men, not so much. The ladies, well above average human life spans. Which is pretty cool, I must say. I was able to get to know two of my great grandmothers. The reason I bring this up, other than to brag is this. If you are lazy, let me tell you what it is. It's an article telling you how to live longer. If that doesn't pique your interest, I will now break it down for you and tell you why, at this point in my life, I will live longer than you, no following the link person. There are 15, is I am going to highlight.

1. Don't Oversleep - I work, I generally can't sleep in too late, except on Saturday morning. 11 am. I felt useless all day

2. Be Optimistic - I'm trying, but every time I get my hopes up, they are dashed. I do not want to be the cause of my misfortune, even if it's all in my head.

3. Have More Sex - Covered

4. Get a Pet - Yup, have the cat, will get a dog when I get a house (cross your fingers, next year)

5. Get a VAP - It's a heart test, I had a physical few months ago, I'm healthy.

7. Stop Smoking - Never started, my lungs are scarred enough, and my mom would stop talking to me.

8. Chill Out - I am the Queen of the Vege. I relax with the best of them, yes I worry about stupid shit, but who doesn't?

11. Exercise - I wish, not all that motivated.

12. Laugh a Little - I love to laugh

13. Lose Weight - Again, I wish

The others are good too , but don't particularly relate to me at this point. I may add them into the mix later.

Happy living.


As I have said before, I do the background checks for proposed tenants at our properties. I am also incredibly nosy so I read them as they come off the line.

Did you know that cruelty towards a child....A CHILD! Only gets you 19 days in jail? Just enough for you to go back and do it again a few weeks later (like the person in reference). Don't you love our society? That's bullshit. To be arrested for cruelty towards a child you have to be a serious monster and then you only get 19 days in jail. Bullshit, I tell you, bullshit.

Just had to vent.

Also, this person has been arrested for contributing to delinquency, drunk driving and several other offenses that took up 2 pages. A real peach, huh?

Sights and Smells

I am incredibly sensitive to smells, well, not right at this moment, I have a cold... Anyway, I am. And right now is my favorite time of year, because whenever I go outside, all I smell is fireplaces. I love the smell of a fireplace. Mine is gas and pretty much useless, so I don't get the smell. Camp fires are a close second in the winter smells category.

Have you ever noticed that no matter what they are doing, a guy smells incredible. The BF always has this soapy sweet smell to him that I love. I get up really close and take it in. Yeah, I'm dating him for his smell.

Notes from all over:

It snowed again, second time in two weeks. It's going to be a long winter. And this is yet another reason I don't wash my car, never have, won't til spring. I say that every year (ok, I've only had the car a year, but you get my point).

It was white people soul food night at my house this week. Fried chicken, mac and cheese (with real cheese, none of that powdered shit), corn and corn bread. Very fun, watched Shaun of the Dead.

I think there is semen on the ceiling of the elevator at work. Can we all emit a collective Ewww!

Monday, October 23, 2006

Lifetime - Television for Weepy Women

I am a closet Lifetime movie junkie. I just watched one one breast cancer. While no one I know has been stricken with the disease, odds are, in my lifetime, I will. The movie dealt with it so humanly and sweetly. It is breast cancer awareness month. I urge all of you to get yearly exams, do self checks and tell a friend to do the same.

I have wonderful friends. I love them so much, let me tell you. They are so wonderful, one of them introduced me to the man that I adore (we are doing pretty well, I think). Daria is said friend and to thank her for introducing me to said man, I took her out to lunch. We went to Racine's and had a great time. I had the best crab eggs Benedict. I love eggs Benedict. Best egg concoction ever.

We also went to the adult store. Always a fun trip. I went again the next day with Gen and Mel. Poor G has never been to that kind of store, Mel and I had to teach her. Well, not teach, inform.

Notes from last week:

As you know, it snowed last week. And for once, the plows were out early and the roads were clear by the time I had to get going to work. I was early, the ride was smooth. It was a good day to say the least. Good days always start early. I woke up with the BF this morning, it was a good day.

And yet everyday, I am forced to drive behind the slowest effing people in the history of the world.

Here's to another wonderful day, week, year...

Oh, and I finally put away about 3 weeks worth of laundry (I raelly hate to do it). So I have a table again.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

OK People...

We have a lot to cover today, so settle down. Settle. OK then:

I wanted to wear a certain bra this morning, said bra is still lost among many jammies right now. I have too many jammies. I would have settled on Super-Sexy-Purple-Bra but it too is lost among the jammies. I really need to put my laundry away.

I was listening to the news today, I like to stay informed. Anyway, one of the stories was about how the US population is now 300 million. They had a sound bite of the Census Bureau as the ticker clicked over 300 and there was cheering. Who celebrates over population? Weird census people I guess. I figure this is the only thing in their lives worth celebrating so I am going to let it slide this one time. But if they do it again... Can you believe our population has grown by 100 million people in the last 30 years? You learn a lot when you listen to the news. I also learned that a person is born every 7 seconds and a person dies every 13 seconds.

I got my phone bill yesterday $43.50 in texting fees. That's 435 text messages in the last month. Am I a little paranoid in thinking someone hacked my phone and is using my number to send all these messages? Since I only learned to text about 6 weeks ago, I find it hard to believe I do it that much.

It was 80 degrees 2 days ago. Now it's snowing. I do not like snow. It's cold, and wet, the traffic is slow, I have to get up even earlier (pre-pre dawn as opposed to pre dawn). Everyone at my office loves snow and is hoping for a wet winter. To them I say bite me. OK, yes, it is very pretty when it covers the trees and such outside my windows and the cat likes it (at least she likes to lick the little snow chunks that come off my shoes), but it's still cold.

I do background checks for the properties under our management. I do about 10 a week. They are pretty boring: "There is no arrest record on file for (insert name here) in the state of The Middle." Except today, I GOT CRIMINALS. Good ones too. Weapons, prostitution, drugs. All kinds of wonderful things. And I got a call from a very angry woman who wanted to complain about the assistant manager of her property. She was super PO'd, there was cursing, several high-low voice changes and yeah, it was super.

It is a cocoa and fuzzy jammies kind of night. I need the BF for a snuggle.

I am celebrating the BF's grandmother's birthday with the family on Friday.

Oh, and I am newly addicted to "Six Feet Under." They just started showing it on TV. I will of course have to rent it to get the good language though. You really lose something when you dub.

End Tuesday.

Monday, October 16, 2006

Elvis! And Other Random Thoughts

I saw Elvis driving a Caddie on my way to work this morning.

The BF is a pill.

I hate Monday, it is a evil day and deserves a reckoning.

There is nothing scarier than a clown as shown by my carved pumpkin, who is sitting happily on Daria's porch. I am porchless and live near hooligans, so for safety reasons, it is sitting in the heart of the city, chillin'.

In regards to the above statement, let me reiterate...I hate clowns. They are weird and freaky and... weird. At the haunted house at the maze on Friday, the last make you jump thing was a guy in a clown mask, who I saw as I walked in. I saw him first and only jumped and screamed when he fake lunged. I hate clowns. And I am lame for jumping after the fact.

I am planning my birthday party!! Yea I am getting older! I have to "explore" some bars this weekend. The sucky thing is that my B-Day always falls on or around a major holiday so festivities must be postponed or scheduled early. They are going to be postponed this year.

Saturday, October 14, 2006

The Harsh Bitch That is Reality

I can't move. I can't afford the 1200+ get out of lease not so free fee and who the fuck would sublet in the suburbs? No one, that's who. So I am going to wait it out. Dude, that bites. I found the sweetest condo downtown (I could afford it too) and now some asshole is probably going to get and destroy it. Argh!

But, staying here will give me the chance to save up and buy a house next year so there is a silver lining.

A group of us went up north to the corn maze just out side my college town, GO BEARS! Super fun, I spent most of it defending the fact that yes, the area smells (there is a rendering plant nearby) but it's a fun place to be and you get used to the smell.

Tip: In Phase One of the maze, head towards the light...Go under the bridge and make your way toward the flag, you'll be out in an hour. And alcohol helps. Like it does in every situation.

It was so much fun, we made great time going up there, everyone was in a great mood and corn can be worked into any joke, sexual or otherwise. It was great, but exhausting. When we got home, I could barely muster a sexy goodbye comment or a kiss for the BF. That means I was "I could die now" beat. I got home, showered and crashed.

Tonight I am carving pumpkins with the crew. I downloaded my designs (mom used to pay for the kits, I love the internet) and bought my gourds. I am ready.

PS - I shot corn!! (Air gun, dried corn on the cob, super fun) I got some great air.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006


I have angst, fake angst, but angst nonetheless...

I have to move. The commute come winter will kill me and I have been meaning to move closer to downtown anyway. Jo is on the case looking in her neighborhood (I like her hood, it's cool and close to everything) and I am looking online.

There is a war going on, people are being raped and pillaged. People in the government are trying to get it on with underage staffers. My eyebrows are falling out.

Tonight is the first night in 3 days where I have the possibility of going to bed at a decent hour. I am making a nice dinner and going to read. A nice quiet night.

Friday, October 06, 2006

Oh Audrey

I miss Audrey Hepburn. I wasn't really aware of her existence when she was alive, but I have grown to appreciate her understated beauty, enduring grace and generosity. She was a beautiful human being and now she is hocking pants for the GAP. It's unholy.

What ever happened to acknowledging a person when they let you into a lane of traffic? I have a much longer commute now (14 miles, I need to move) and no one even gives me a little wave when I let them in. That's all I'm asking for, a little wave of thanks. The world is rude.

The new job is going very well. I am busy all day and am not usually bored. I fought with FedEx today and with the ink people yesterday. It's a lot less work and responsibility and almost the same amount of money as TSA.

My life is very happy. All the pillars are in place.

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Call of the Wild

I survived camping and it was fun! I had a really good time. I am a little dehydrated and altitude sick, but it was still a good time. We talked (mostly about sex) and made a great fire and set up the tent incredibly fast. We weenie roasted and made s'mores and played games. I learned things about Brian and Daria that I may not need to know but are certainly interesting to have in the memory banks.

We went on a hike with the dogs and found this really cool teepee that some of Daria's friends built a couple of years ago.

Only drawback - It was freezing last night and I forgot my coat. I had my shirt and sweat shirt and my sleeping bag, but it was still fucking freezing.

Also, I think we were visited by a deer in the night. I heard things outside the tent (too cold to sleep) and I got scared (I started to hyperventilate). But I calmed down and eventually slept for a little while.

I never realized just how dirty you could get while camping. My hands were covered in soot. But it all came off with a shower which I promptly took when I got home.

I lost my ability to smell for a while too.

Bo came over and we went out for lunch. I have the sweetest boyfriend ever.