Monday, July 31, 2006


My mind is restless. I haven't felt this way since after my stroke when I wasn't allowed to drive or work (not such a bad thing really). But I also couldn't concentrate, couldn't read for longer than a few minutes. Couldn't sleep. So what did I do then...Went back to work, moved in with 3 pigs and dated a gay guy. Really don't want to do the latter 2 again, so I guess, it's work that I must do. Or something new...

What should I do...I am letting my faithful readers, even some of the unfaithful ones, decide.

What should I do this time around?

Elementary, my dear whoever

I figured out why the mom is getting all up on me to settle down (or live it up, depending on how you view my life). Apparently, 4 people I went to middle school with are pregnant and/or getting married. That is freaky. I haven't seen any of them since we were 13 (there was a bat mitzvah) and that is how I still see them. But no, they are 25, college educated, probably married to crew rowers from ivy league schools and work as investment bankers. Freaky.

I helped move the Littlest Sister this weekend. We (mom and I) went to her house on Friday night (cause what else would I be doing?) and packed up the room that all clothes go into to die. Seriously, all drawers, hampers, and closets had exploded in this room. Dishes were everywhere. I found underwear in every corner. Apparently she doesn't spend a lot of time there. It more of a staging area for getting ready for dates with the pseudo-boyfriend (he's a cutie) and doesn't have to be clean. Think "How Clean Is Your House" (sans the bugs and rodents, unless you count her ex who tried to be all fake helpful) and you will know what I mean.

But the move went well. Instead of her usual 3 weeks to get out of one location, it took us 1 day to pack, move and organize into the new place, which is a really cute studio. She is very excited about living on her own.

We came back on Saturday and I contemplated staying at mom and dad's (I was freakin' tired) but went home instead.

Sunday, I went to a couple of thrift stores (cause I'm cheap). I was looking for a chair for my bedroom since I loved the desk out. But then I realized, when would I sit in it? I do most of my reading in bed or in the living room so when would I actually sit in my bedroom to read. Never, why waste the money. So no chair... baking dishes. I needed a pizza pan and cookie sheets since I left my good ones with The Ass and he is in NY. I returned movies to Blockbuster. They have raised their prices to astronomical levels. I remember when they were completing with Hollywood Video and had 99 cent rentals, that was great. But they are having a clearance movie sale, I bought 5 for $25 (Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, Hellboy, Layercake, Kinsey, Wimbledon). I love movies and they may not be Academy Award winners, but they are fun. And I need fun.

Mom called me old this weekend for making a comment about LS's seemingly lack of underwear. I used to be the cool sister, what happened?

Friday, July 28, 2006

The Marrying Wo-Man

I am getting a lot of pressure from the mother-type person and let me just say I know! Goddamnit, I know! Yes, it's true, I have no husband, boyfriend or lover. I also don't have a third eye, cause I don't NEED one. It would be nice to have one, but I don't need one. Men are like meatballs on spaghetti, nice to have, but the meal is still good without them. I don't need to be reminded of this fact all the bleedin' time.

This is not a bitching post about my sad state of non-affairs, but Mom has really been on me lately about finding a man. Honestly, I don't know where it's coming from, none of the triggers are out there. No one we know is getting married or having children.

Anyway...It's been 6 days, we can now talk bad about Uptown Dave. As cute as he was how interested he seemed, there were some things about him that we off-putting:

He chews, and that's unbelievably disgusting. I can handle smoking, but chewing involves frequent spitting and it rots your mouth and many other things. It's bad and gross and will not stand for it.

He also got kicked out of school for fighting. Let's break that down. He got kicked out of the nation's number 1 party school, for fighting. He had a lot of rage, he said. He was also on steroids at the time. Nice, huh?

A chewer and a drug user. These are the men that are out there for me to pick from.

The dating service called me last night or during the day, I don't know, I am in heavy screening mode. Oh, didn't I tell you, I filled out this little form online in a moment of weakness. They called, I have to call them back and say go away, cause well, I am young and it is just so pathetic to go through a dating service. All I can think of is Lowered Expectations from MADTV. The woman is very perky (I hate perk) and she is also very insistent, which I find pushy and annoying. But OFJ (Oldest Friend Jo) says she will just take me out more and we will find man-type people together.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Let's Get Funky

The funk has returned. BAH!

I think it's the music I have been listening to. Lots of whiny boy, complaint rock. Must return to the happy music - Homemade mix CDs from college. Rock on!

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Yes, I do

I know this is so juvenile, but I still enjoy watching The Creek (Dawson's Creek for all you non-watchers). I liked it as a kid and I like it as an adult. Sad, I know. It's on in the mornings when I am getting ready for work. It's a great show, smart, fun. Come on, Katie Holmes before she joined the cult...Relive the happy days before Cruise destroyed her.

Panic! at the Disco was amazing. It truly was a show with dancers and cabaret and the opening acts were actually very good, it had this whole circus, Moulin Rouge theme, very cool. The Hushed Sound and Dresden Dolls opened. They have new fans in me. I will say this, I would gladly deflower (yes, the dancers/MCs revealed to the audience that he is still a virgin during P!ATD rollcall) lead singer Brandon Urie. Come on, I know he's young, but he's legal and he can sing (he and the DD did a great rendition of "Hit Me Baby, One More Time") , dance and he has a great stage presence. It was a great show, the only drawback was that it was ungodly hot in the theater (I learned my lesson from last time and wore something minimal). It was very dehydrating.

How hot and dehydrating was it you ask? It was so hot that I went though 2 bottles of water at the show and it was so dehydrated that I was exhausted after 1 beer at the bar afterward.

I did meet a guy though, henceforth to be known as Uptown Dave, as opposed to someone I could meet at the Downtown, who we would know as Downtown whoever, Shecky maybe. Anyway, we talked for a couple of hours. He was very nice. He kept wanting me to have one more drink with him, but as I said before I was exhausted. So I drove him to his apartment (just a few blocks down the street) and gave him my number. He gets 6 days (a la Swingers) and then he is forgotten. Oh, and JoAnna threatened him with bodily injury if he hurt me while I drove him these 4 blocks, she even took his picture just in case. It was sweet, he thought it was creepy and weird. I know her better, it was sweet.

I was in the grocery store last night and this man stopped me and said he almost fell over when he saw me, I looked exactly like his first wife. From this statement, JoAnna and I deduced she was dead (we had dinner tonight, she's single again and I need to get out more so we are spending more time out, doing single gal things). So I look like a dead

Also, we did a little shopping after dinner and after we got back in the car, I realized that I had forgotten the leftovers from my very expensive sandwich and that really frosted my cookies. I hate when I do that. 2 bags of chips were lost as well. I hope a homeless person gets them. Ooohh. look, silver lining.

Let me put this question to you, happy readers (if you aren't happy, fake it for a minute). Are men willing to just screw any random thing that crosses their path? Cause one of my friends is apparently really hard up and looking to score while on vacation. It's only been a few months. In that vein, how long is too long to go without it, sex, contact or otherwise?

I await your responses.

Monday, July 24, 2006


You know you're single when you spend your Monday night making pizza in your underwear.

Also, today dragged on.

I will write about the Panic! at the Disco show later.

Sunday, July 23, 2006

Further Proof That People are Stupid

Who goes to the Middle East...ON VACATION...during a WAR! Further proof that people are stupid and should not be pitied for their stupidity. Seriously. What possesses people sometimes? Stick to nice, non-war-torn nations to go on vay-cay. I hear everywhere else on the planet is nice this time of year.

Maybe airline tickets are really cheap to war zones and they just had to get out of America for a while, as it is circling the drain.

No...they're just stupid.

Friday, July 21, 2006

Honey, we need to talk...

Reading this really got my blood boiling. It is just another way for the Extreme right to push its neo-fascist ideas onto the American public. By using our tax dollars to support such groups, while in theory is commendable, it reality is just a load.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006


I read an article today, which I can no longer find (bugger). It appears that a couple were arguing and he threw or stabbed her with a carrot and now she's blind in one eye (despite 6 hours of surgery).

There is a bit of irony in this story. Weren't we always told that carrots were good for our eyes? Help is see in the dark and all.

Think about it. She was wounded by a vegetable. What's next...death by fruit cup? Those mini carrots are kind of menacing, you have to admit.

Now children really do have a reason to hate veggies.

What Color is Our Handbasket Today?

I really do not like to get political, but...I have too.

My thoughts on the impending WWIII that is waging in the Middle East right now (or why I will soon be disowned):

Just remember, there are 6 sides to every di (die?) and well, here are a few sides.

- We should never have intervened. We have a nasty habit of always going over and sticking our noses into other country's business when we have plenty to fix over here. Hello... deficit, gay marriage bans, constitutional injustice. Intervening and/or going to war has born fruit very few times in the many times we've done it. If it escalates any more, let me tell you now, I refuse to ration or sell war bonds.
- I recognize the Israelis' right to land and their homes, but to be perfectly honest, they took it from the Palestinians in the first place in 1947 upon the creation of the state of Isreal. I am not saying that the continued violence in this area is justified, but I can see where is comes from and then got completely out of hand on all levels when citizens started listening to the wrong extremist.
- I will never, ever support this war, only the soldiers that fight in it with honor. The ones that apparently rape and kill for kicks...Are a whole different fish. I am not one of those innocent until proven guilty people, the guy looks shifty, he's gonna fry.
- Blah, blah, retaliation, blah, blah, defending our soil, blah. An eye for an eye only makes the whole world blind.
- I have never supported our president in anything he has ever done. I do not think he is the right person to lead the free world and I think his actions these last 6.5 years are reprehensible and wholly unbecoming of the Office.

Back to happier things.

I think my salad at lunch was spiked with something cause my eye was twitchy and I saw dots after I ate it. Either that or the sickness has spread to my brain and I must be destroyed.

I have a new reader, everyone say hi to Shea. We work together and she has a cute dog and therefore we must embrace her into the YSR family. We may be disfunctional but at least we're fun.

My cat continues to be a howling, yowling bitch. She pounced on me this weekend. POUNCED! And did I mention it was 7am on Saturday when she did this? Crazy demon cat. I love her anyway, she is very lovable when you need it (and I have this week) and when you don't (she likes to sit on my chest when I get into bed at night while she settles down (ha!) for the night. As soon as I stop petting her, she (sometimes) goes to her spot at the end of the bed (leaving a rather expensive cat bed unused, I might add).

I found a date for Panic at the Disco. My boy date fell through (boys suck!) so I procured a girl date in Oldest Friend JoAnna. She will buy me drinks and not expect anything at the end of the night, which is always refreshing.

I think I am going deaf. My own damn fault though. I listen to my "damn" music way too loud (quote from Dad). But I am going to partially blame the cackling hyenas. I need the music to drown them out. They are so very annoying. It is totally thier fault if I have to pull a partial Helen Keller.

Sunday, July 16, 2006


It's 92 degrees at 10:30 at night. That just ain't right.
Can anyone sing the lyrics to "Heat Wave?"

I am, therefore, I am

My house feels a little empty. I cleaned out some clutter from under my entry table and now it feels empty. I got up early on Saturday (cause I'm a dork and can't sleep til noon) and started de-cluttering. I watched a lot of home shows the night before, ones all about organization and de-cluttering and just woke up and did it. Hence, the empty.

Then I folded all the clothes I have been meaning to shuttle over to Goodwill for the past year and got them in the car. Closet clean.

Then I went to the rental's house to hang out, see the LLS off (she is now back in Fairy Land) and get a free, mom-cooked dinner. We discussed death. We are such the fun group.

Anyway, I bought new eyeshadow and made Rice Krispie Treats (world's greatest food).

I saw Pirates of the Caribbean 2 today. I do agree with most of the critics in that it was a big action, CGI showoff. But you know what, the CGI was amazing. The acting a little stilted, but fun nonetheless. It is a very long movie. 2.5 hours. Good thing I went to the first show at 10am! Cause, yes, I was up early again. Even when I was in school, even college, I could never sleep past a certain point. The sister K can sleep til 1pm. I don't know how she does it...oh yeah, she's young and parties til 2am. I am a boring adult and don't do that. I go to bed at a reasonable hour (early all weekend, how sad).

Thursday, July 13, 2006


I was going to write about the personal grooming habits of the North American Vagitarian, one in particular that I have been close enough to study for the past 20 years, but it just came out as mean. She knows how I feel about her seemingly lax approach to grooming, so I won't say another word on it.

I am in a funk. They happen every couple of months. I don't like them, but I know I will get through it, so I must endure.

But I must say that I rock my own socks in that I got out of work, on a Thursday, at 5:01pm. This is momentous as this has not happened in about 7 months. I came home and watched
Kinsey (2004), which you all should watch if you haven't already. Also, you should see Imagine Me & You (2005) if only for Matthew Goode's mischievous smile, I love a mischievous grin and he has a great one. Find a pic, he's cute. Also, it is a very sweet story and is incredibly touching.

It took me 1.5 hours to go 10 miles today. There was an accident and it backed everything up. I really do not see the appeal of gawking at construction equipment and traffic accidents. Yes, I am hoping to get a glimpse of a severed head, but it has yet to happen, I don't get my hopes up. I really just wanted to get home. And the construction thing...I have noticed that traffic backs up in the presence of large cranes and forklifts even if there are no roadblocks. How do we explain this? People are infantile and need to look at the shiny truck? Maybe, but I still don't get it.

My downstairs neighbors are having a party, so my house smells like a cheap motel. And a nail salon. Ick.

Anyway, I hope you all are well. I personally, want to run away and go to London. I am in a Londony mood.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

"Tis a Joy"

That is what Davey Havok of AFI said about being in The Middle. And it is great to be back in The Middle, it's my home, I like it here. The show was great, they have so much energy, I really don't know how they jump and scream on stage, under the lights for hours at a time. It was super, the LLS enjoyed it as well. She didn't like how hot it was in the theatre, but what can you do? Nothing, just sweat and enjoy. One of the opening acts was pretty good too. Nightmare Revue. The other one was just angry white boys screaming into the mic, not fun.

Anyway, the trip was good. The Crush picked me up at the car rental place and tried to shake my hand...I am a girl, he is my friend (and crush), I don't shake hands. we hugged.

We drove to his house to retrieve a map we did not use, I met his pup, and touched The Pretty Car. It's a vintage Jag and I want it. Then we got car snacks and we were on our way. Do you know how good cheese in a can is. I have discovered this wondrous"food" once again. We had several adventures involving roadkill, strip clubs, BBQ sauce and police officers, but mostly we talked and laughed and had a good time together. I would have more pictures, but apparently I am camera retarded.

He even sat down and talked to my grandfather and had dinner with us. That's 9 people crowded around a table built for 4 eating KFC. It was a sight

Things I Learned on This Trip:

- Grandma likes to talk about sex.
- The LLS needs to take a pill and calm down. Also, she needs to stop saying "I love you" every (and I mean this literally) 3 seconds to her girlfriend on the phone, it's annoying and a little pathetic.
- K is more fun when on medication

I think my grandfather is going senile and is incredibly depressed. He doesn't care about his life anymore. He did not brush his teeth the entire time we were there, hardly bathed and flits around from one project to another, never finishing anything. It's sad when you are old enough to realize these things. He also talks constantly because (this is my theory) if he stops, the world will end.

They have this little rat dog that is the size of our dog's head, cute, but rat-ish. My cat is three times her size and twice her weight.

But I had a good time. We talked a lot and laughed. The sisters tried on ugly-ass wedding dresses at a local consignment shop. It was fun. The MO really is quite pretty. As you can see from the pic at the beginning. That's, and I kid you not, Knob Noster State Park, sounds dirty doesn't it? We stopped there to walk around a bit.

As an aside, yesterday was the 5th anniversary of my stroke. And as a present, I got a BRAND NEW DISHWASHER!!!! Yea, maybe my dishes will get clean now. I am so happy.

Friday, July 07, 2006

Out of commission

Hey kiddies, since I will be out of town for a few days, I probably won't be posting anything until I get back. And since I will be out of town with 5 of my readers, I think it will be ok.

Thursday, July 06, 2006


My dishwasher is completely, absolutely, USELESS! I ran it twice today (same load), nothing got clean. Nothing. I got a note from maintainence that said they would get me a new one by Monday. Last Monday.

Scourge of my Summer

I have allergies, most of which I have grown out of, but allergies nonetheless. They are particularly bad this year. I don't know why, could be the rain we are actually getting and accumulating. This is new for The Middle.

I was at the video store on Monday and I sneezed and I couldn't stop my eyes from watering. I looked like I was crying and sniffling over copies of whatever was in the drama section. They didn't have what I wanted (Kinsey and 1776 - I was feeling patriotic) so maybe my subconscious made me tear up or maybe pollen is evil and I refuse to take Benadryl.

I am feeling stuffy today and I have to fly the day after tomorrow. The MO is way more humid than The Middle, pollen and insects proliferate. This is not good.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Flipping Lord

I'm bored. Today's notes:

Coffee and pretzels (and/or pretzel goldfish) make a pretty good breakfast. I really should eat better, but crap tastes so good.

Fourth of July: I hope everyone had a good, safe and happy day. I did. I spent most of the day in a lake, which happily was quite warm. The sun was shining, the breeze was blowing, there were floaties (inflatable watercraft brought solely for the enjoyment of acting like a kid again). It was super. I went to my friend Shea's house for dinner that night and I went to get sparklers afterward to play with in the parking lot, but it started to rain as soon as I got back. Such a metaphor for my life.

Roadtrip: I really want to go on one, I think it would be really fun and give me a chance to use my new camera (given to me by Super Dad, since he upgraded, it's my first digital). Who wants to come with?

Communication: Apparently, my blog is the only way certain members of my family communicate with each other, which may be incredibly sad or incredibly cool.

Invasion: I feel the need to invade a small country. Guaranteed minions. Power...mmm...power. Maybe on the roadtrip... Maybe Andorra, they seem pliable, kinda far to drive though, with the ocean and all. The food would be good.

Saturday, July 01, 2006


Hello happy blog readers. I hope you are all well this fine Saturday. I am in a surprisingly good mood today, who wouldn't be? It is a beautiful summer day. I just finished making appetizers (bacon wrapped water chestnuts, yummy, my boss' wife made them for a party, so good) for the rental's party today, I called Comcast last night and they are sending a tech out tomorrow morning (how adventatious is that?) to fix my On Demand, which has never worked.

I figured out how to fix the cable yesterday. I didn't have TV for 2 days and I was kinda nice. It was quiet, I read, watched a movie. It was relaxing not to have to find something to watch. But I fixed it...maybe I won't watch as much TV now that I know I can survive without it.

The LLS (Luscious Lesbian Sister) called me last night to tell me she got her nose pierced. She tells me it's tasteful, sure. I at least could hide all my piercings with clothing. At one point I had 5 (each ear, each nipple and the navel). I lost the navel ring in an airport in Chicago on my way to London (thinking about that gets me excited for my trip to Europe next year). I took the nipple rings out when I graduated college. I just didn't need them anymore. I didn't need to be the girl with the pierced whatsits.

I am thinking about a tattoo though and have for a long time. I want something special and meaningful that no one will see but me (I am a professional, so I need to hide it, which kind of diminishes the point). But, like I have said before they are permanent and I don't know of anything I would want permanently etched into my skin. I like my skin, it's pristine.

So...Any thoughts on tattoos from the throng of loyal readers I have acquired? You know I value each and every one of your opinions and think the world of you (yes I am buttering you up).